I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
