i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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