So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
