She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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