the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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