trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
