If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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