Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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