I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
