I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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