Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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