My first STD was from a foam party
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
