fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
