we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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