Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
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All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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