the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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