I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
