LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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