I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
