I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
