I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.