White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I FOUND THE LEGS
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
