I puked a lego.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
