I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
