i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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