Someone shit on the floor
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
