dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
