That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
