Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
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I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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