I wannas sexs uuuuu
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
