Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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