All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
