Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
