I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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