just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
