mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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