Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
