I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
