im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
