Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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