Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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