but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
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I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
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The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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