Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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