if only i could text you this smell
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My ass is underappreciated
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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