I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
