the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
