dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
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I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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