im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
