Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She needs sedatives and a leash
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
