Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
