Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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