do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
