This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
