I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize