Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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