wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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