Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
