Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
