So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
