Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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