Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Randomize
