She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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