If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
