If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
