I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
