so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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