I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
