I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
