I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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