My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's the barista slut.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
