You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
