it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
