Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
