ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
