I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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